9:18 AM

Be the bigger person

So, what happens when you think you are a not jealous person but then you find out that peroxitard little moles are facestalking your ex and you simply can't stand the thought of them getting their manky paws on him? Today I've designed a whole lot of exercises to help all of you budding young Saigon Girls to conquer the GREEN EYED MONSTER, the least attractive attribute when your whole swag is supposed to be about self-confidence and grace.1. No cliches.
Such as comfort eating or watching chick flicks in your pyjamas with your girls on standby with the Kleenex. No! Fuck that! Are you a Saigon Girl or do you need it beat back into you? Last girl that tried tricks like that around here I personally put into a shipping container and sent to Egypt. Once she's found her way back from the desert, let's see how valuable she thinks feeling sorry for herself is.

2. Attach a breathalyser to your keyboard

Not getting onto Facebook drunk at 3am sounds so simple and yet it remains elusively difficult. This is possibly the most important step in not saying something that you will regret. That's why, as a Saigon Girl, you must attach your keyboard to a breathalyzer. My model of choice, why the Alcohawk Pro of course. Anything less would probably implode from the fumes of any of us Saigon Girls returning from the Sundae Party.

3. Hurts so good
I'm not talking self harm here like, locked in my bedroom listening to My Chemical Romance emo shit. No, I mean a good old fashioned, character-building beating, delivered by your mentor of choice. Personally I never feel so upstanding and righteous as when the welts on my back are freshly raised, what about you?

4. Take up martial arts
Here at Saigon Customs we are up doing heron poses at 4am followed by ninja drills running to and from the top of the hill to get our daily supply of water. The Stallions help us out with surprise ambushes, bless them, to make sure that our combat skills are always on point. The feeling of knowing that you could push any random moll's face back into her brain is actually reassuring. So much so, I'm more likely to refrain from any acts of jealous violence altogether. We are all about love, love, love here at SC. I swear it. Love. (But you can always put her face onto a punching bag, remember).

5. Take your other Stallions for a run
Let your Stallions take you to a movie, listen to you talk, give you massages, make you laugh, whatever. This is what Stallions do best. Not only does this distract you from whatever "He" might be doing, but it allows you to keep your entire Stable fit and healthy. Happy Stallions are healthy Stallions!

6. Get a life

7. Go to Paris (see above)

^^^8 days left til Paris, bitches.


PHELENA said...

who did it Aussie girl...do u want me to beat them up?

Edla said...

my ex boyfriend, he's still in tassie. he gets graff groupies. enuff said. but can i take u up on that offer if the need arises another time?

PHELENA said...