Guess what guys? I just made First Apprentice. To win it I had to beat all the other Saigon Girls and only one died, so I got points for clean combat.
This is the speech Miss Saigon made when I got my award:
Edla the very fierce yet shy apprentice. The very first, most dedicated of them this far, she will slay any soul who dares to disrespect the House of Customs she now represents.
She will sling her sword at weak customisers trying to imitate the techniques of Saigon Customs.
Make no mistakes, although sweet in the face, Edla will leave you traumatised by her illustration skills that rip words right our of your mouth like skilful nunchucks!
This is me accepting my award. I started to cry but then I got whipped and remembered I'm not supposed to.
So as First Apprentice, I get to be the enforcer which means I keep an eye on any of the little beginners failing to conform to the HOUSE RULES.
Each one of the HOUSE RULES is punishable by at least 5 minutes of housework, the only way we get any done around here. 1.No hogging the stallions.
All stallions are property of the Saigon Customs house and are to remain at all times in the allocated Saigon pastures.
2. No screaming or losing temper/composure.
Being a bitch gets you banned to the furthest corner of the room, the one on top of the kitty litter box for a period proportionate to your tantrum as decided by other Saigon crew present.
3. You may get out of this by sucking up. How much can you offer?
4. Failure to make offerings
There is no greater sin than shirking your obligations to make offerings to the Saigon Girls in the form of snacks, beer, seaweed, flowers. No offerings means no props, no publicity and we award you Saigon invisibility until you change your ways. Plus you get locked out of the Stallion Stable at the Sundae party. Don't say we didn't warn you, you knew girl!!!!!!!
5. No ego tripping
If I could write that in gold font I would because it is absolutely the golden rule.
If your nasty little ego starts to rear its ugly head you won't just get expelled from the house of Saigon Customs, you get thrown into the pit of wak dudes we've met along the way, otherwise known as the Taco Pit 'cos they're all just so corny. At first you'll be all like "this is okay" because you're all so full of yourself and they'll fluff your ego good, but after a while you'll miss the down to Earth company of the Saigon Girls and crew and you'll realise the only way to get shit done like we do is to put all your ego aside.
This is the First Apprentice, signing out.
E
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