We leave for Paris today. I'm packing light but there's some essentials I just can't forget.
Taking M.A.F.I.A.'s Pandas for a walk...
THAT'S THE SACRIFICE YOU HAVE TO MAKE WHEN GETTING READY FOR A SHIT HOT SHOOT WITH A SHAOLIN MONK CALLED SHIFU!!! I'M SITTING HERE AT 7 AM ON THE DOT WAITING FOR CEDRA TO ROCK UP AND DRAG OUR SLEEP DEPRIVED ARSES TO ENWHYCEE. THERE, WE'LL REUNITE WITH OUR FAVOURITE PHOTOGRAPHER MARLON LAWE AND PRESENT HIM WITH HIS VERY OWN "JAMAICAN ME CRAZY" PAIR OF SAIGON CUSTOMS ^^. I CAN'T WAIT FOR TODAY TO BE OVERRRRRR.... SO TIRED!!!!! BUT I'M SURE IT'S GOING TO BE AR-MAZING, PROVIDED I CAN STOP SHOUTING...
One of the most important things I've learned during my time here at Saigon Customs is that trying to work during the day is a waste of fucking time. Ask me two months ago and I would've told you I was the world's biggest early bird, up at the crack of sparrow fart without hesitation and ready to start the day. Now I see the error of my ways: I love my life here - sleep til 11, get up, enjoy the day, eat dinner and then buckle down at about 9 o'clock (with a beer, no less!) to power through until 3-4 and get a shitload done with NO INTERRUPTIONS.
So, what happens when you think you are a not jealous person but then you find out that peroxitard little moles are facestalking your ex and you simply can't stand the thought of them getting their manky paws on him? Today I've designed a whole lot of exercises to help all of you budding young Saigon Girls to conquer the GREEN EYED MONSTER, the least attractive attribute when your whole swag is supposed to be about self-confidence and grace.1. No cliches.
Such as comfort eating or watching chick flicks in your pyjamas with your girls on standby with the Kleenex. No! Fuck that! Are you a Saigon Girl or do you need it beat back into you? Last girl that tried tricks like that around here I personally put into a shipping container and sent to Egypt. Once she's found her way back from the desert, let's see how valuable she thinks feeling sorry for herself is.
2. Attach a breathalyser to your keyboard
3. Hurts so good
I'm not talking self harm here like, locked in my bedroom listening to My Chemical Romance emo shit. No, I mean a good old fashioned, character-building beating, delivered by your mentor of choice. Personally I never feel so upstanding and righteous as when the welts on my back are freshly raised, what about you?
4. Take up martial arts
Here at Saigon Customs we are up doing heron poses at 4am followed by ninja drills running to and from the top of the hill to get our daily supply of water. The Stallions help us out with surprise ambushes, bless them, to make sure that our combat skills are always on point. The feeling of knowing that you could push any random moll's face back into her brain is actually reassuring. So much so, I'm more likely to refrain from any acts of jealous violence altogether. We are all about love, love, love here at SC. I swear it. Love. (But you can always put her face onto a punching bag, remember).
5. Take your other Stallions for a run
Let your Stallions take you to a movie, listen to you talk, give you massages, make you laugh, whatever. This is what Stallions do best. Not only does this distract you from whatever "He" might be doing, but it allows you to keep your entire Stable fit and healthy. Happy Stallions are healthy Stallions!
6. Get a life
7. Go to Paris (see above)
^^^8 days left til Paris, bitches.
Labels: I'm bored...
Hello and a big WELCOME to our newest addition to the Saigon Stable, CHRIS P. Chris is practically the face of the Sundae party and likes dancing, rollerskating, DJiing and Miss Saigon (naturally). Here we interview him and find out that he does kiss on the first date, ooh la la...
I'm fantastic. Peachy.
So, you are a computer programmer Stallion, what's the sexiest thing you can do with your machine?
Oh I can rock my machine on my own, but thanks anyway. What's your idea of a great date with a Saigon Girl?
So you kiss on the first date?
Yeah. Actually they do that a lot. Sometimes when they're not even on a date. So, do you have any nicknames?
Way back when, some of my friends used to call me Clarence 'cos i had a shirt with the name "Clarence" embroidered on it. And some people call me "Star" because when I DJ I'm Star Child.
Yeah. So when I skate and dance and stuff some people call me Star.
So you skate and DJ at the same time?
I have been asked to do that.
We can see that. Can you handle more than one handler?
Oh definitely. I can handle a few handlers. I've got plenty of stamina, but years of training.
to the IT Stallion (proper feature to be posted tomorrow) who made it SO WE NOW CAN LEAVE COMMENTS!!! YEAH!
Labels: 180 wpm
Look out for our two new Stallions Chris and Thang Nguyen in the coming weeks , but in the meantime you can apply for membership to the Saigon Stable with this form, after reading the Stallion rules here
1. Over the course of a normal first date, how often do you mention your mother? Did she beat you or did she do everything for you? Do you find photos of her in her younger days strangely arousing?
2. How often do you watch porn per week? To answer, please multiply the number of times you watched porn last week by 4 then divide by 28 and round off to the closest whole number to give us a daily average.
3. Were you able to complete the above equation? Please circle one.
YES---------------------NO-------------WHAT'S AN "EQUATION"?
4.Dunlop Volleys + little shorts
=
a) Oh ya, I love that silhouette sister! *effeminate high five*
b) Um, it makes girls wet...................right?
c) I'd wear them if my arse wasn't so fat
4) Miss Saigon, I've been sitting by the phone for three days waiting for you to call.
5.True or False? Glasses with thick black frames make you look like a totally rad and individual person. Please circle one:
F ------------------ F
6. Megan Fox is
a) smart and beautiful
b) beautiful
c) dumb and beautiful
d) dumb
e) the equivalent of having herpes on my eyeballs, compared to a Saigon Girl
7. In 200 words or less, what can you uniquely bring to the Saigon Stable?
8. Can you respond calmly and gracefully when you are beaten at Scrabble?
Please include a head shot with your application, as well as photos of any private jets, country houses, sneaker collections or other amazing assets you might have. Mixtapes also welcome.
Edla
SC Croo!
Labels: crackin' the whip...
And the rad job DJ M.A.F.I.A. did on our SNKR FRKR interview (vote for her here)
Labels: Best birthday gift ever.
You know, I truly do live the Saigon Way. All you Saigon wannabes need to check the shit of THIS First Apprentice if you want to see how it's done.
Regard as I post a link to an incredibly fug photo of myself and STILL tell y'all to go check it out.
Et voila. I make it look so easy but it takes weeks of practice and humiliation to get this humble. But Female Sneaker Fiends did say nice things about us and FSF is the exactly how I found Miss Saigon a whole year ago. So I humbly pay my respects... *bows*